Hard is what keeps out the Riffraff

"Hard is what keeps out the Riffraff" - that is a line from a Hallmark channel type movie that was on the TV the other night as I was cleaning up the kitchen. Not something I would normally be watching, but I loved that line. It reminded me of a chat that I had with a friend a couple of months ago. I was talking with her about something that she needed to do for herself and I said something similar. Now what I said was not as polished as that, but all in the same vein.

This idea is also what had made me so proud about the decision I had made to get myself in better shape and take control over my health. I laughed at myself for how self-righteous I sounded and admitted to those I talked to that talking about it was what helped keep me in the game.

I began by speaking with  Gina who owns her own business, Concierge For Mom. I knew that I was going to need some guidance and I also knew that with a full-time career outside of my home, a husband, four kids and three dogs, time wasn't something I had much of. I believe one of the first things I told Gina is that I will be one of the most difficult people she will work with. I've never known time as a friend. I was very clear that I wanted to make life changes that I could maintain. I did not want to feel like I was on any type of diet. I also had no intention of following a meal plan. I wanted to learn to make healthy choices everyday so that I would not get to a point when I stopped and put weight back on.

I've had some success in the last eight weeks. Here are the positive things I have done.
- I start my day on my elliptical every morning for 20-30 minutes.
- I no longer drink soda or sweet tea. I drink water instead.
- I have discovered coconut water which I love & drink daily (and it helped get rid of my headache today)
- I drink protein shakes to supplement my meals. (okay, it's usually my breakfast)

I have seen some differences in my body. My afternoon headaches are pretty much gone. I feel stronger and overall better.

I could say that I fell off the wagon this weekend at the company holiday party because I ate dessert. Or because I had Mexican for dinner last night. But what I think is worse is that I haven't worked in the time for my workouts. I feel really crappy about it. Gina checks in on me often and responds when I ask her about food choices. She's even created 10 minute workouts I can do. I have to make the decision to make time for the next step. My workouts. It's not happening and I'm disappointed. Gina checked on me today and this blog post is my answer. I know I'll hear back from her. She's very dedicated to making sure I succeed. I was too when I started. I lost some momentum. It's a hard pill for me to swallow because I know I'm not doing it because it's hard. Hard to have the energy. Hard to make the time. I remember my friend saying all the same things and I told her that she had to make up her mind to do it.

Life only moves in one direction and I need to get moving with it.

My Diary From The Boys' Locker Room

The days that's probably the best title I can come up with for this episode of my life. Every week there are multiple entries that could be made to this diary. Our three middle school boys make me laugh everyday in some way. Sometimes I just can't let them see that I'm laughing!

Last week my husband was insistent that the basement smelled "like the SPCA" as he refers to it. Now, the three dogs do stay in the basement while we are at work and they sleep down there. However, there are also three middle school age boys that live down there too. They shower every day. Well, every weekday. I find dirty clothes in their beds and who knows what else could be in there. The boys just aren't particularly big on cleanliness. Now, on the days that we clean, they do vacuum, sweep, mop, fold and put away laundry and assorted other chores. They aren't exactly detail oriented so we have to check over them often before clearing them on a task.

This brings me to the point of my post. The origin of the smell that had my husband so upset. I came home that night and had my oldest son help me start cleaning the basement. As usual, I gave him the vacuuming to do and I went for the room his younger brother usually cleans - the bathroom. Three boys, one bathroom. As I cleaned, I began to come up with nicknames for each of them based on the offense I know they commonly commit. I have one who doesn't really create a problem. The other one I decided to call flush. I figure if he hears it often enough, he may remember to do it. Then there's the worst, the one I call splash. Now the other two may be guilty of missing the giant hole they are supposed to go in from time to time, but splash doesn't even acknowledge the hole! Cleaning this room was about much more than cleaning the toilet. It was about taking down the cloth shower curtain and washing it. Cleaning off the side of the bathtub. Cleaning the floor and the baseboards.

The whole time I was cleaning, I was thinking to myself, those Brady boys must have had really good aim because as whiny as the Brady girls could be, I never heard one complain about Bobby peeing all over the toilet. They did have Alice however and I do not. The boys make things smell!

The Best Weekend Ever

My very serious son told me yesterday that he had the best weekend ever this past weekend. One of my best friends (who has known him all his life) called me this afternoon to remind me how significant that statement was. You see, for my younger son, life is like one big adventure. He can make fun out of just about anything. But my older son tends to carry the weight of the world with him sometimes. Well, a lot of the time.

This fall I've watched that young man find himself. He did it through football. He's a good athlete and has done well in both baseball and soccer. But football has made as much of an impression on him as he has made on it. His hard work and big heart has earned him the respect of his peers. He's found a bond.

I have watched my football player's attitude turn around this Fall.

So why was this the best weekend ever? Well I thought it was pretty awesome myself! We went shopping at outlets in Maryland where of course they had plenty of Baltimore Ravens gear. That is his favorite team. He got a couple pair of new kicks and some new Ravens gear of his own. (My boys will shop if you mix in a fair number of athletic stores) Then we took him and his stepbrother to the Charles Town track to watch horse racing. Of course they were assessing the horses before each race and picking who they were pulling for. It was a long night and they had the endurance for it. And the next day - football in the Wild and Wonderful! We were wrapped up in as many layers as we could pile on while snow flurries fell from the cold, dry sky. We cheered on the Martinsburg Bulldogs as they defeated the Morgantown Mohicans in the West Virginia state semi-finals. Lots of hot chocolate, nachos and pretzels. Then back to our friends' house where the boys and our friends' daughter played Beatles RockBand for an hour.

All pretty simple stuff, but stuff that we all love and we did it together. Now we were a couple of children short as we let the two who don't share that love do something with their other parent. But that was okay. They were happy not to be out in the cold and neither of the other two could have kept the long hours.

We had a weekend that we will all remember. I have a son who is enjoying things in ways that I haven't seen in a very long time. I love his smiling face and I was so happy to see so much of it this Fall.

What did I have to do to get this experience. Trust in my son. You see he was under weight for one football league so he had to play in a league with guys his age but three times his size. He's 76 lbs and he played with guys that ranged from 130 lbs to 200 lbs. He only has one functioning kidney to add to the horror. But it was all he wanted. I made him promise to exercise everyday to stay strong so he could endure the hits. I listened to my mother and grandmother tell me what a bad idea this was and I watched my boy get lit up a number of times. But I also watched my boy get up and run down plays. I watched him grow more confident every week. The season is over and he's better than ever. It took a leap on my part and a lot of conversations with a 12 year old.

The Laughing Lion

Life with my 11 year old son, the Magical Elf, is nothing short of a roller coaster ride. Sometimes we are going up, sometimes we are going down, but there is very little just cruising along. The Magical Elf has a pretty severe case of ADHD. He's very bright, but has learning disabilities. He's very happy and social but very immature and usually inappropriate. This causes him to spend a lot of time frustrated with school work and with other kids his age who do not understand him so they make fun of him or avoid him.

There is no denying how challenging the Magical Elf is to raise.

Today as I walked back to my office today from picking up my lunch, I passed the toy store. There on the ground in front of the store was a Laughing Lion rolling around and doing just that - laughing. It reminded me of the Magical Elf.

You see I have learned that sometimes you have to treat the Maigcal Elf like the ocean. His moods are that powerful. And just like the tides, if you go with him instead of against him, you can manuever with more ease. So just like that Laughing Lion, when the Magical Elf thinks that nothing is serious and absolutely everything is funny, I just laugh along with him.

The Magical Elf inspires me to lighten up from time to time. To enjoy simple things more often. If you don't have a Magical Elf then treat yourself to a Laughing Lion. It will be good for you.

My Favorite Distraction

For the last few days I have been mired in emotional distress trying to find truths and develop a plan to successfully parent through some issues. No one sees it, but I feel it. I start driving in silence - no phone calls, no radio. Very not my usual style.

So when these times come along I turn to my crutch. A great dog. I have 3 of my own. I would like to say dealing with dogs is easier than dealing with people but that's not always true. I don't know any people who eat the stuffing out of every bed that they get. But I also don't know any people as reliable as my dogs. I'll pick up some stuffing and be happy with that deal.

So tonight as I sit on the couch with little Ava and Eddie asleep beside me and Bentley downstairs guarding a new bone in his lair, I am thinking about another dog. Happy little Charles. Charles is a dog that I met at Charlottesville Albemarle SPCA back in August when we had my stepdaughter's birthday party there. I loved him and his kennelmate Lilliana. I brought both of them out on the Downtown Mall with me when we put on a Beatles RockBand competition to raise money for the SPCA. Lilliana has since been adopted but Charles is still looking for a home. My children and I have spent time with him and he is so sweet. So full of life and so much fun. In fact I gave him his first french fry in the car on the way to the Downtown Mall. He is a good car rider and loves to stick his head out of the window. He deserves a great home.

So please share this post and help get Charles a home! 

Take Time to Talk Part 2: Taking My Own Advice

After carefully crafting my thoughts for my blog post yesterday I realized that I was still not comfortable with what I felt were loose ends and missing details. In fact, my friend, Terry, even commented that I should try to dig a little deeper. My husband and I discussed the entire issue on our drive home (my car is being repaired). We decided that before we went home we should visit some of our neighbors to ask more questions and discuss what we were experiencing with our children.

We started with the person who we felt like had been taking a few too many liberties - taking the law in his own hands. The one our children are freaked out by. We learned some interesting information that points very clearly to one of our children. We both very much understood that what is going on right now is the result of multiple incidents that have taken place in the past and continue. However, even though one of our children was clearly identified as the problem, no one has called us or come to our door. And they all definitely know he is one of ours. Instead, they have confronted him and followed our other children at night.

Why would someone not just come to us. The problem could have been fixed long ago. The answer lies with the parents.

That first conversation lead us a few doors down to the house where these incidents began and where one major one unfolded. Another person who could clearly identify our son and knew who we were but had not contacted us.

We feel absolutely horrible that one of our children has been conducting himself this way. We are now discussing how we will handle the situation with that particular kid and he will be dealt with. But people have got to talk to each other! We only knew of the one major incident and had the same story out of five different kids. We had no knowledge at all of any other incidents or more investigating would have been done before now.

Ironically, all of that activity has prompted a meeting to discuss a Neighborhood Watch program. Hello folks, I am trying to wrap my brain around this. These people have been talking with each other and with other neighbors. They have even sent out emails to the entire neighborhood. But, again, NOT ONE person has approached me or my husband to tell us what we had to go to them to ask and find out for ourselves last night.

I am trying to be as respectful as I can in this situation because 1) Its the right thing to do, 2) One of our children has clearly done something wrong to them, 3) I do not know either of these people well so as I mentioned in my first post on this matter - I do not have enough information to make an accurate assessment.

This is what I can say about it. What a huge waste of time, effort, worry and everything else that has gone into this. It's a matter that could have been resolved 2 months ago in 20 minutes.

So here is today's lesson folks - Take Time to Talk to Parents Too. Call them or go to their home. Email, while efficient and non-invasive can be misconstrued and lead to more issues. Just go talk. Now I will say to those of you with younger children (both of these people have younger kids) that you are in a stage of life with your kids where you can just opt not to invite certain kids over for playdates and make everything go away. That doesn't last. The only thing that solves problems is open dialogue. Get used to talking to other kids and their parents now. You would want someone to let you know about your child before a situation got out of hand.

**As a note to clarify the "incidents" that I speak of so the level of behavior is not misconstrued. Our son has been ringing doorbells and running. We know there are others too as some incidents have occurred on specific nights that this particular child was not at our house. 

I am still very interested to hear others' thoughts on this matter.

Take Time to Talk

This is a post that I have thought long and hard about. It is a subject that everyone who has children will probably find themselves on both sides of at some point so I hope it serves its pupose. (And I hope I am able to condense all of my thoughts well enough)

My husband and I have four children between the two of us. I have two boys, ages 12 (the football player)  and 11 (the magical elf) and he has a son who is 12 (the superstar) and a daughter (the little princess) who is 9. Our life is very busy. But our life is also insanely fun. Our children all know way more than we did at their age - some bad and some good. Their well-being and how they are raised is our first priority. In 2009 we moved into the home that we built (with our lifestyle in mind) in Old Trail. Now, as for me and my husband, we would have been happy on several secluded acres in a smaller house (I could have adopted more dogs!). However, we knew that there was real value for our children to grow up in a community where they could ride bikes to their friends' homes and to their pool. For the most part, it has been as good as we could have hoped for. The pool is wonderful! We have kids at our house all the time (in the basement - don't get me wrong, I'm not that sick). And we have some fantastic merchants in our Village Center. The football player loves nothing more than a Vanilla Latte and a Spudnut from Trailside Coffee. He has also been known to spend his own money on specialty hot sauces that he loves from Zestivities where he buys gifts for the girls' whose birthday parties he is now attending. The point is we are loving our life out here. Now, we aren't people without our own limitations. We do live on a somewhat secluded corner lot with only one neighbor. This location was very important to us as we felt it was as close as we could get to the best of both worlds.

Enough gleeful rambling and on to the lesson (I didn't want the following commentary on people to shed negative light on what I feel is a great community setting).

It is very hard to not overdo it when you are addressing a wrong doing that has been done to your own children. I am going to spare everyone the laundry list of why my children are such great citizens and exciting young people to know. They are and my friends know that too. The folks who help them select their gifts at Zestivities know it. My next door neighbors who have an adorable 2 year old son know. In fact, many people in my neighborhood who have taken time to talk to my children know just how full of life and entertaining they are. I am very proud of their engaging nature.

As middle school aged kids, they want some autonomy. Our neighborhood is perfect for that. We have a large Common area where the kids gather to play football, baseball or just hang out. Yes, I have just said the words that has prompted fear in the hearts of everyone with a 4 year old. "Hang out". Middle school aged kids sit around and talk and joke with each other. They laugh and the girls scream in pitches that no one else can reach. That's what they do. I know this because many times it is occurring in my basement or on my lower patio.

Laughing and hanging out is not a crime however. It is a horrible thought that anyone would assume that a few 12 years old children sitting in plain sight in a Common area (I keep capitalizing that because that is its official name) are committing crimes. The higest their mischief level may go is a few inappropriate jokes or words that they have learned.

The sad and disappointing commentary here is that there is an adult in my neighborhood who is flat out scaring my children. He stops them on their bikes to tell them that they could go be arrested for various things, he follows them around on their bikes in his car at night and of course when one shows up to say Trick or Treat, he feels the need to tell him that "he better not be up to any mischief tonight". He is not the first, but he is a repeat offender in spite of the fact that I have taken myself to his doorstep and politely re-introduced myself and asked him to please contact me immediately if there is ever a problem involving my children. I have yet to hear from him, but my children continue to.

There are a number of stories that are dispicable in my opinion that I am choosing not to share. My children have a right to feel safe in their own neighborhood too. And if you don't think that middle school aged children are scared of adults you are mistaken.

The message that I hope those of you with younger children will get is to take the time to stop and talk to the older children you encounter in your neighborhoods. They are funny, intelligent young people who haven't been jaded by life yet. They have interesting perspectives and they still believe that people are good. Sadly, mine are learning otherwise. Mine are learning that ignorance spawns fear and stupidity. They are being stereotyped and they do not like it. Middle school aged children who are hanging out aren't going to steal your 3 year old's doll or bite them for that matter. In fact, mine happen to be very good with younger children (ask my next door neighbors). They take time to play games with them.

As with any other injustice my children encounter I am using this situation to teach them that you can not judge another person. You can make your own assessments about their character once you have taken the time to get to know them. But, you should treat all people, regardless of their age, with respect.

Try treating the older children that you meet with respect. Greet them as you would any adult and carry on a conversation with them. You'll be amazed by how wonderful and imaginative they are. I enjoy the conversations I have with all of my children and their friends. It is refreshing.

And yes, I am very interested in your comments. Those who have children this age and those who have younger children as well.

More Than Hair and Makeup

I saw a squirrel today and it made me laugh. There, of course, is a fabulous story about the squirrel but that can be kept between friends. So I texted my friend Amy to let her know about the squirrel (I'm guessing she laughed too) but I also asked how she was because she had been feeling pretty bad yesterday. She apparently was feeling better and would be heading off later to make her weekly appearance on Cville Plugged In. After her segment she texted me to let me know that her nose started running 15 minutes before she was on air and she coughed during the segment. It didn't matter what I texted, the response I got back was something worse. Finally I wanted to say, 'Okay, you win. That sucks!'. But I didn't. (Now she knows)

That exchange is why I finally started the blog that I have been saying I would do for over a year now.

You see, I've only known Amy for about a year. I moved to Charlottesville for Richmond in 2006. I left behind all the friends I went to lunch, events and stores with. In fact, I still talk to my best friend in Richmond almost every day. But Amy should know that last week, I needed to get off the phone with my friend from Richmond because there was another call coming in. That call was from Amy. And there was something that I had to share with her. I needed to hear what she would say about it.

As I have gotten to know Amy better, I have realized that my friendship with her has had such a positive influence on my life. She's not perfect and doesn't pretend to be (which is why she shouldn't worry about tonight's segment) but what she is, is strong. She's a great mother to two very fun and very pretty girls, she's a fun and loving wife and she operates her own business Suzy Said.

Amy has her own personal blog as well Finding Amy...Again. I encourage every woman to follow her blog. She is amazing! She has made a conscious decision to take her health seriously and work at it everyday. And I mean work! She eats well, she teaches her family to eat well and she works her butt off at Clay Fitness.

Listening to and reading about Amy's story is what has kept me optimistic. You see, I am far from happy with my own physical condition. Amy's will has spread and I have started to take control over my health now too. Granted, I'm probably taking baby steps, but I want to make sure that I don't give up. It is hard work when you have done so little for yourself for so long. I have Celiac Disease so eating is always a challenge and that has lead to my Osteopenia (67 year old bones). It's time for me to be strong too.

So Amy, no matter how your hair and makeup looks on Tuesday nights, you still look like an inspiration to me. And that is why my first official blog post is to you. Thank you for sharing your story and your friendship. It has made a real difference to me.