Take Time to Talk

This is a post that I have thought long and hard about. It is a subject that everyone who has children will probably find themselves on both sides of at some point so I hope it serves its pupose. (And I hope I am able to condense all of my thoughts well enough)

My husband and I have four children between the two of us. I have two boys, ages 12 (the football player)  and 11 (the magical elf) and he has a son who is 12 (the superstar) and a daughter (the little princess) who is 9. Our life is very busy. But our life is also insanely fun. Our children all know way more than we did at their age - some bad and some good. Their well-being and how they are raised is our first priority. In 2009 we moved into the home that we built (with our lifestyle in mind) in Old Trail. Now, as for me and my husband, we would have been happy on several secluded acres in a smaller house (I could have adopted more dogs!). However, we knew that there was real value for our children to grow up in a community where they could ride bikes to their friends' homes and to their pool. For the most part, it has been as good as we could have hoped for. The pool is wonderful! We have kids at our house all the time (in the basement - don't get me wrong, I'm not that sick). And we have some fantastic merchants in our Village Center. The football player loves nothing more than a Vanilla Latte and a Spudnut from Trailside Coffee. He has also been known to spend his own money on specialty hot sauces that he loves from Zestivities where he buys gifts for the girls' whose birthday parties he is now attending. The point is we are loving our life out here. Now, we aren't people without our own limitations. We do live on a somewhat secluded corner lot with only one neighbor. This location was very important to us as we felt it was as close as we could get to the best of both worlds.

Enough gleeful rambling and on to the lesson (I didn't want the following commentary on people to shed negative light on what I feel is a great community setting).

It is very hard to not overdo it when you are addressing a wrong doing that has been done to your own children. I am going to spare everyone the laundry list of why my children are such great citizens and exciting young people to know. They are and my friends know that too. The folks who help them select their gifts at Zestivities know it. My next door neighbors who have an adorable 2 year old son know. In fact, many people in my neighborhood who have taken time to talk to my children know just how full of life and entertaining they are. I am very proud of their engaging nature.

As middle school aged kids, they want some autonomy. Our neighborhood is perfect for that. We have a large Common area where the kids gather to play football, baseball or just hang out. Yes, I have just said the words that has prompted fear in the hearts of everyone with a 4 year old. "Hang out". Middle school aged kids sit around and talk and joke with each other. They laugh and the girls scream in pitches that no one else can reach. That's what they do. I know this because many times it is occurring in my basement or on my lower patio.

Laughing and hanging out is not a crime however. It is a horrible thought that anyone would assume that a few 12 years old children sitting in plain sight in a Common area (I keep capitalizing that because that is its official name) are committing crimes. The higest their mischief level may go is a few inappropriate jokes or words that they have learned.

The sad and disappointing commentary here is that there is an adult in my neighborhood who is flat out scaring my children. He stops them on their bikes to tell them that they could go be arrested for various things, he follows them around on their bikes in his car at night and of course when one shows up to say Trick or Treat, he feels the need to tell him that "he better not be up to any mischief tonight". He is not the first, but he is a repeat offender in spite of the fact that I have taken myself to his doorstep and politely re-introduced myself and asked him to please contact me immediately if there is ever a problem involving my children. I have yet to hear from him, but my children continue to.

There are a number of stories that are dispicable in my opinion that I am choosing not to share. My children have a right to feel safe in their own neighborhood too. And if you don't think that middle school aged children are scared of adults you are mistaken.

The message that I hope those of you with younger children will get is to take the time to stop and talk to the older children you encounter in your neighborhoods. They are funny, intelligent young people who haven't been jaded by life yet. They have interesting perspectives and they still believe that people are good. Sadly, mine are learning otherwise. Mine are learning that ignorance spawns fear and stupidity. They are being stereotyped and they do not like it. Middle school aged children who are hanging out aren't going to steal your 3 year old's doll or bite them for that matter. In fact, mine happen to be very good with younger children (ask my next door neighbors). They take time to play games with them.

As with any other injustice my children encounter I am using this situation to teach them that you can not judge another person. You can make your own assessments about their character once you have taken the time to get to know them. But, you should treat all people, regardless of their age, with respect.

Try treating the older children that you meet with respect. Greet them as you would any adult and carry on a conversation with them. You'll be amazed by how wonderful and imaginative they are. I enjoy the conversations I have with all of my children and their friends. It is refreshing.

And yes, I am very interested in your comments. Those who have children this age and those who have younger children as well.