The Best Weekend Ever

My very serious son told me yesterday that he had the best weekend ever this past weekend. One of my best friends (who has known him all his life) called me this afternoon to remind me how significant that statement was. You see, for my younger son, life is like one big adventure. He can make fun out of just about anything. But my older son tends to carry the weight of the world with him sometimes. Well, a lot of the time.

This fall I've watched that young man find himself. He did it through football. He's a good athlete and has done well in both baseball and soccer. But football has made as much of an impression on him as he has made on it. His hard work and big heart has earned him the respect of his peers. He's found a bond.

I have watched my football player's attitude turn around this Fall.

So why was this the best weekend ever? Well I thought it was pretty awesome myself! We went shopping at outlets in Maryland where of course they had plenty of Baltimore Ravens gear. That is his favorite team. He got a couple pair of new kicks and some new Ravens gear of his own. (My boys will shop if you mix in a fair number of athletic stores) Then we took him and his stepbrother to the Charles Town track to watch horse racing. Of course they were assessing the horses before each race and picking who they were pulling for. It was a long night and they had the endurance for it. And the next day - football in the Wild and Wonderful! We were wrapped up in as many layers as we could pile on while snow flurries fell from the cold, dry sky. We cheered on the Martinsburg Bulldogs as they defeated the Morgantown Mohicans in the West Virginia state semi-finals. Lots of hot chocolate, nachos and pretzels. Then back to our friends' house where the boys and our friends' daughter played Beatles RockBand for an hour.

All pretty simple stuff, but stuff that we all love and we did it together. Now we were a couple of children short as we let the two who don't share that love do something with their other parent. But that was okay. They were happy not to be out in the cold and neither of the other two could have kept the long hours.

We had a weekend that we will all remember. I have a son who is enjoying things in ways that I haven't seen in a very long time. I love his smiling face and I was so happy to see so much of it this Fall.

What did I have to do to get this experience. Trust in my son. You see he was under weight for one football league so he had to play in a league with guys his age but three times his size. He's 76 lbs and he played with guys that ranged from 130 lbs to 200 lbs. He only has one functioning kidney to add to the horror. But it was all he wanted. I made him promise to exercise everyday to stay strong so he could endure the hits. I listened to my mother and grandmother tell me what a bad idea this was and I watched my boy get lit up a number of times. But I also watched my boy get up and run down plays. I watched him grow more confident every week. The season is over and he's better than ever. It took a leap on my part and a lot of conversations with a 12 year old.

The Laughing Lion

Life with my 11 year old son, the Magical Elf, is nothing short of a roller coaster ride. Sometimes we are going up, sometimes we are going down, but there is very little just cruising along. The Magical Elf has a pretty severe case of ADHD. He's very bright, but has learning disabilities. He's very happy and social but very immature and usually inappropriate. This causes him to spend a lot of time frustrated with school work and with other kids his age who do not understand him so they make fun of him or avoid him.

There is no denying how challenging the Magical Elf is to raise.

Today as I walked back to my office today from picking up my lunch, I passed the toy store. There on the ground in front of the store was a Laughing Lion rolling around and doing just that - laughing. It reminded me of the Magical Elf.

You see I have learned that sometimes you have to treat the Maigcal Elf like the ocean. His moods are that powerful. And just like the tides, if you go with him instead of against him, you can manuever with more ease. So just like that Laughing Lion, when the Magical Elf thinks that nothing is serious and absolutely everything is funny, I just laugh along with him.

The Magical Elf inspires me to lighten up from time to time. To enjoy simple things more often. If you don't have a Magical Elf then treat yourself to a Laughing Lion. It will be good for you.

My Favorite Distraction

For the last few days I have been mired in emotional distress trying to find truths and develop a plan to successfully parent through some issues. No one sees it, but I feel it. I start driving in silence - no phone calls, no radio. Very not my usual style.

So when these times come along I turn to my crutch. A great dog. I have 3 of my own. I would like to say dealing with dogs is easier than dealing with people but that's not always true. I don't know any people who eat the stuffing out of every bed that they get. But I also don't know any people as reliable as my dogs. I'll pick up some stuffing and be happy with that deal.

So tonight as I sit on the couch with little Ava and Eddie asleep beside me and Bentley downstairs guarding a new bone in his lair, I am thinking about another dog. Happy little Charles. Charles is a dog that I met at Charlottesville Albemarle SPCA back in August when we had my stepdaughter's birthday party there. I loved him and his kennelmate Lilliana. I brought both of them out on the Downtown Mall with me when we put on a Beatles RockBand competition to raise money for the SPCA. Lilliana has since been adopted but Charles is still looking for a home. My children and I have spent time with him and he is so sweet. So full of life and so much fun. In fact I gave him his first french fry in the car on the way to the Downtown Mall. He is a good car rider and loves to stick his head out of the window. He deserves a great home.

So please share this post and help get Charles a home! 

Take Time to Talk Part 2: Taking My Own Advice

After carefully crafting my thoughts for my blog post yesterday I realized that I was still not comfortable with what I felt were loose ends and missing details. In fact, my friend, Terry, even commented that I should try to dig a little deeper. My husband and I discussed the entire issue on our drive home (my car is being repaired). We decided that before we went home we should visit some of our neighbors to ask more questions and discuss what we were experiencing with our children.

We started with the person who we felt like had been taking a few too many liberties - taking the law in his own hands. The one our children are freaked out by. We learned some interesting information that points very clearly to one of our children. We both very much understood that what is going on right now is the result of multiple incidents that have taken place in the past and continue. However, even though one of our children was clearly identified as the problem, no one has called us or come to our door. And they all definitely know he is one of ours. Instead, they have confronted him and followed our other children at night.

Why would someone not just come to us. The problem could have been fixed long ago. The answer lies with the parents.

That first conversation lead us a few doors down to the house where these incidents began and where one major one unfolded. Another person who could clearly identify our son and knew who we were but had not contacted us.

We feel absolutely horrible that one of our children has been conducting himself this way. We are now discussing how we will handle the situation with that particular kid and he will be dealt with. But people have got to talk to each other! We only knew of the one major incident and had the same story out of five different kids. We had no knowledge at all of any other incidents or more investigating would have been done before now.

Ironically, all of that activity has prompted a meeting to discuss a Neighborhood Watch program. Hello folks, I am trying to wrap my brain around this. These people have been talking with each other and with other neighbors. They have even sent out emails to the entire neighborhood. But, again, NOT ONE person has approached me or my husband to tell us what we had to go to them to ask and find out for ourselves last night.

I am trying to be as respectful as I can in this situation because 1) Its the right thing to do, 2) One of our children has clearly done something wrong to them, 3) I do not know either of these people well so as I mentioned in my first post on this matter - I do not have enough information to make an accurate assessment.

This is what I can say about it. What a huge waste of time, effort, worry and everything else that has gone into this. It's a matter that could have been resolved 2 months ago in 20 minutes.

So here is today's lesson folks - Take Time to Talk to Parents Too. Call them or go to their home. Email, while efficient and non-invasive can be misconstrued and lead to more issues. Just go talk. Now I will say to those of you with younger children (both of these people have younger kids) that you are in a stage of life with your kids where you can just opt not to invite certain kids over for playdates and make everything go away. That doesn't last. The only thing that solves problems is open dialogue. Get used to talking to other kids and their parents now. You would want someone to let you know about your child before a situation got out of hand.

**As a note to clarify the "incidents" that I speak of so the level of behavior is not misconstrued. Our son has been ringing doorbells and running. We know there are others too as some incidents have occurred on specific nights that this particular child was not at our house. 

I am still very interested to hear others' thoughts on this matter.

Take Time to Talk

This is a post that I have thought long and hard about. It is a subject that everyone who has children will probably find themselves on both sides of at some point so I hope it serves its pupose. (And I hope I am able to condense all of my thoughts well enough)

My husband and I have four children between the two of us. I have two boys, ages 12 (the football player)  and 11 (the magical elf) and he has a son who is 12 (the superstar) and a daughter (the little princess) who is 9. Our life is very busy. But our life is also insanely fun. Our children all know way more than we did at their age - some bad and some good. Their well-being and how they are raised is our first priority. In 2009 we moved into the home that we built (with our lifestyle in mind) in Old Trail. Now, as for me and my husband, we would have been happy on several secluded acres in a smaller house (I could have adopted more dogs!). However, we knew that there was real value for our children to grow up in a community where they could ride bikes to their friends' homes and to their pool. For the most part, it has been as good as we could have hoped for. The pool is wonderful! We have kids at our house all the time (in the basement - don't get me wrong, I'm not that sick). And we have some fantastic merchants in our Village Center. The football player loves nothing more than a Vanilla Latte and a Spudnut from Trailside Coffee. He has also been known to spend his own money on specialty hot sauces that he loves from Zestivities where he buys gifts for the girls' whose birthday parties he is now attending. The point is we are loving our life out here. Now, we aren't people without our own limitations. We do live on a somewhat secluded corner lot with only one neighbor. This location was very important to us as we felt it was as close as we could get to the best of both worlds.

Enough gleeful rambling and on to the lesson (I didn't want the following commentary on people to shed negative light on what I feel is a great community setting).

It is very hard to not overdo it when you are addressing a wrong doing that has been done to your own children. I am going to spare everyone the laundry list of why my children are such great citizens and exciting young people to know. They are and my friends know that too. The folks who help them select their gifts at Zestivities know it. My next door neighbors who have an adorable 2 year old son know. In fact, many people in my neighborhood who have taken time to talk to my children know just how full of life and entertaining they are. I am very proud of their engaging nature.

As middle school aged kids, they want some autonomy. Our neighborhood is perfect for that. We have a large Common area where the kids gather to play football, baseball or just hang out. Yes, I have just said the words that has prompted fear in the hearts of everyone with a 4 year old. "Hang out". Middle school aged kids sit around and talk and joke with each other. They laugh and the girls scream in pitches that no one else can reach. That's what they do. I know this because many times it is occurring in my basement or on my lower patio.

Laughing and hanging out is not a crime however. It is a horrible thought that anyone would assume that a few 12 years old children sitting in plain sight in a Common area (I keep capitalizing that because that is its official name) are committing crimes. The higest their mischief level may go is a few inappropriate jokes or words that they have learned.

The sad and disappointing commentary here is that there is an adult in my neighborhood who is flat out scaring my children. He stops them on their bikes to tell them that they could go be arrested for various things, he follows them around on their bikes in his car at night and of course when one shows up to say Trick or Treat, he feels the need to tell him that "he better not be up to any mischief tonight". He is not the first, but he is a repeat offender in spite of the fact that I have taken myself to his doorstep and politely re-introduced myself and asked him to please contact me immediately if there is ever a problem involving my children. I have yet to hear from him, but my children continue to.

There are a number of stories that are dispicable in my opinion that I am choosing not to share. My children have a right to feel safe in their own neighborhood too. And if you don't think that middle school aged children are scared of adults you are mistaken.

The message that I hope those of you with younger children will get is to take the time to stop and talk to the older children you encounter in your neighborhoods. They are funny, intelligent young people who haven't been jaded by life yet. They have interesting perspectives and they still believe that people are good. Sadly, mine are learning otherwise. Mine are learning that ignorance spawns fear and stupidity. They are being stereotyped and they do not like it. Middle school aged children who are hanging out aren't going to steal your 3 year old's doll or bite them for that matter. In fact, mine happen to be very good with younger children (ask my next door neighbors). They take time to play games with them.

As with any other injustice my children encounter I am using this situation to teach them that you can not judge another person. You can make your own assessments about their character once you have taken the time to get to know them. But, you should treat all people, regardless of their age, with respect.

Try treating the older children that you meet with respect. Greet them as you would any adult and carry on a conversation with them. You'll be amazed by how wonderful and imaginative they are. I enjoy the conversations I have with all of my children and their friends. It is refreshing.

And yes, I am very interested in your comments. Those who have children this age and those who have younger children as well.